1,001 Ways to Fall in Love
When I was a little girl, I was made to believe
that there was only one way to fall in love:
only one person to love true and forever,
get married, have children, and die side by side.
Then came a divorce that tore my childhood asunder,
and the tears spilt in the aftermath washed the fantasy away.
That first blood of ruthless reality erased
the idea of a white wedding and a happily ever after.
But I still clung to the timeless idea
that I would need only one love to feel complete.
So the white turned to crimson, and the Ave Maria
turned to an Imperial March. Tha fantasy endured.
But the moment of truth came unexpectedly,
when the “love of my life” talked of children galore.
The seeds of disdain for the status quo had been scattered
and took root in my soul, burrowing a labyrinth of doubt.
So I fled, bit by bit receding from this nightmare,
once my past dream of home and a necklace of pearls.
The idea of marriage and true love eternal
started metamorphosing into a more liberal concept.
The plans made thereafter were fuzzy at best,
defeated by deception time and time again.
At the end, nothing but pain could await me in such life,
and I’d seen the horror and despair in others’ eyes.
Lastly, I found love and acceptance
in a corner of life, under stones left unturned.
And in the next ten years after, I got to learn,
the hard way, of course, what love shouldn’t be.
It should not mean possession or being the owner
of those who hold your hand to walk the path of life.
After learning such lessons, I’ve come to realize
that there are a thousand and one ways
to fall in love throughout your life.
And most of them defeat by far
the one I learned when I was a child.
I’ve fallen in love with all of my heart
with guys who would’ve pimped me
if it meant an extra dime.
I’ve fallen in love with more than one gay man
and learned that love sometimes comes
from unexpected places.
I’ve fallen in love with close friends
and turned them away with protests
and quarrels, without even being lovers.
I’ve fallen in love and kept silent.
I’ve fallen in love and screamed it
from the top of my blog, my virtual mountain.
I’ve fallen in love for two minutes and ten seconds,
and it felt just as true as the love that lasted a lifetime.
I’ve fallen in love without even knowing it,
and it’s only brought regret, that I never saw.
I’ve fallen in love and gave my heart completely,
surrendered my body and soul, sometimes undeservedly.
And sometimes, I think, I might have fallen in love
halfway, in fear of what the deep end could yield.
I’ve fallen in love without expecting anything in return,
without wanting anything more than to let my feelings
I’ve fallen in love with my mind, with my twat, with my brain
with my heart.
The only problem was
that I never knew better.
That what I was missing all this time
was to fall in love with my self.
Once you do, everything else,
all 1,001 ways of falling in love,
will feel just as true and valid
as the one way I was taught
when I was a child.